Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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