Who wears a wallet chain?!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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