ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
