listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
