Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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