Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
