she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
