There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We named our party play list daddy issues
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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