2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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