Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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