if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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