I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
