I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
