She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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