i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
