just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
