You're my little dorito
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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