just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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