all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
