yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
