You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
