There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
