No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
