You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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