Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
