I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
