Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
