i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
