she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
