Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Everclear isn't food dammit
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
