We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
FUCK WHALES
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