I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
