Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
