I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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