so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
