You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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