Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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