its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
