I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
