You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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