I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
