remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
