you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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