I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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