So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
