If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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