new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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