hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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