I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
