At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
