ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
