i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
