I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
