Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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