Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
