Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
